Flash Sucks Massive Donkey Dick

I despise Adobe® Flash®. In fact, I despise everything by Adobe® for reasons far to long winded to get into here. Alas, due to the nature of my profession, I’m obligated to work with pretty much every single turd they churn out with the exception of Dreamweaver® (which I consider to be unquestionable proof of Satan’s presence on earth), Fireworks® and After Effects®. However, the one piece of Adobe® wonder crust I’m forced to work with on a regular basis is Flash®. Let me be very clear on this so as not to confuse anyone.

I. Fucking. Hate. Flash®.

I hate Microsoft’s Silverlight®© just as much, but since no one is so retarded that they actually use it (not even proper retards with with wheels and stuff) it’s not so much of an issue.

But most of all, I hate the way Adobe® plough so much marketing effort into promoting something that is doing the internet significantly more harm than good. There’s a load of people out there who’ll disagree with me on this, but since 70% of them aren’t developers, they can go fly a kite… and suck a tramps disease infected puss filled ring peice while they’re at it. The rest are just idiots who can’t be reasoned with so I’ll not bother.

Anyhoot, a small portion of the internet, the ones that actually care about the thing that’s completely changed the world over the past 15 years and will continue to change our lives in ways we can’t predict, that small group of luminaries are up in arms over Adobes latest sham, Adobe® Opens Up in which they claim, somehow, that their half baked proprietary platform is somehow… good… for people… somehow.

The site itself, you may have noticed, is built entirely using Flash®. I’ll lift the exact same quote John Gruber lifted from Chris Forseman over at Ars Technica which illustrates perfectly everything that is so wrong with Flash®.

After just a cursory browsing, here are some of the usability and data accessibility issues we observed. You can’t select, copy, or paste any text. Your browser’s font override features won’t work, so you can’t adjust the font or its size to be more readable. Your browser’s built-in in-page search won’t work, and you can’t use the keyboard to scroll through the text. You can’t parse or scrape the data in any way; the design is fixed-width, so it’s not going to work well on different screen sizes; and browser plugins, like Greasemonkey, can’t adjust anything. Basically when it comes to text at all, if you don’t like the style or are visually impaired, you’re screwed.

Wow Adobe®, that’s about as closed as you can possibly get, no matter how many times you say it’s open.

But the thing that annoys me more than anything else about this latest snake oil presentation is that a lot of people will swallow this whole, when in actual fact it’s just outright lying on Adobe’s® part. It’s shameless, but that apparently doesn’t matter any more. Advertising really has become legalized lying.

Oh, and the site sucks. Even for a Flash® site.